Read Kill the Farm Boy by Delilah S. Dawson Online

Kill the Farm Boy

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born . . . and so begins every fairy tale ever told.This is not that fairy tale.There is a Chosen One, but he is unlike any One who has ever been Chosened.And there is a faraway kingdom, but you have never been to a magical world quite like the land of Pell.There, a plucky farm boy will find more than he's bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there's the Dark Lord who wishes for the boy's untimely death . . . and also very fine cheese. Then there's a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, the Dread Necromancer Steve, and a strange and wondrous journey to the most peculiar "happily ever after" that ever once-upon-a-timed....

Title : Kill the Farm Boy
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781524797751
Format Type : ebook
Number of Pages : 384 pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Kill the Farm Boy Reviews

  • Holly (The Grimdragon)

    3.5 Stars~

    “Peace and quiet and magic. That was what a Dark Lord wanted. Or quiet and magic and a thriving market for crossbred animals. Get a bunch of Chosen Ones running about unchecked, and one of the lot was certain to start gunning for the Darkest Lord around, assuming he had all sorts of terrible plans to call forth demons from the underworld and steal princesses and…honestly, that was just a lot of work.”

    What a dong buster of a book!

    Admittedly, I am not the biggest fan of puns. Give me imm
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  • ~Dani~ LazyTurtle's Books

    Read this review and more at Book Geeks Uncompromised!

    Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born . . . and so begins every fairy tale ever told. This is not that fairy tale.

    This book is exactly as advertised. It has puns, utterly ridiculous characters, general silliness, and a chain mail bikini. Be ready for upended tropes, farm boy and goat shenanigans, and lots and lots and lots of potty humor.

    Honestly, the only thing wrong with this book is that it went on too lo
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  • USOM

    (Disclaimer: I received this free book from Netgalley. This has not impacted my review which is unbiased and honest.)

    I want everyone who grew up on fantasy to read this book. Not only is it incredibly clever, but it is wonderfully hilarious. I had the most fun reading this book because it takes all the tropes you know - the ones you love and hate - and turns them on your head. It's one of those books that is fun from the very core outwards. There are these witty references, but then also this so
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  • Megan

    The story begins with our hero, Worstly (inferior brother of Bestly, and affectionately known as Pooboy, cleaner of goat poo) becoming the Chosen One and embarking on a quest with his trusty goat (well, his honest goat, who tells him over and over again what a moron he is). Unfortunately for Worstly, he dies pretty much right away. By a giant woman in a chainmail bikini. Because isn't that how all heroes die?

    Despite the death of the Chosen One, a heroic troupe bands together to chase destiny. Fi
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  • Susan Hamm

    I received free books from Penguin Random House in exchange for this review... (at Emerald City Comic Con... I also met the authors and they seem like pretty awesome folks)

    This is more 4.5 stars than 4 but I can't figure out how to do half stars. I'm a huge fan of Discworld, Princess Bride and anything that plays with or satirizes fantasy tropes, and this fits the bill perfectly. The title pulled me in immediately, and if that wasn't enough, I laughed out loud at the map in front (their version
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  • Kelly (and the Book Boar)

    Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

    I’m not even gonna lie and try to say when I first heard of this title, my mind didn’t immediately go . . . .



    The book wasn’t afraid to go there as well . . . .

    “Worstley is eighteen, white as milk, and tall and strong with wavy blond hair and earnest blue eyes that sparkle with a call to greatness.”

    It wasn’t afraid to “kill” him for most of the story either. Which left the remaining ensemble cast to . . . .



    And me with a reaction t
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  • Kira

    The first third of this was hysterical. I was reading it at work and had to stop because it was too hard to refrain from laughing out loud. After that the humor fizzled out. It was still funny but only every once and a while. The journey they were on took way too long. A lot of it was just nonsense, so it would have been better if the book were a little shorter. None of the characters were particularly interesting. For the ones I did like my interest waned as the book went on. The end wasn't bad ...more

  • Amanda Kratz

    I gave it a good college try but I just couldn’t get through it. DNF @ 54% (and I really pushed myself to make it that far). I never DNF books and I just couldn’t get into this at all.

    It is so over the top slapstick humor that it becomes detailed and boring. Yes there are many quips I laughed at and there are some clever jokes to be sure but quantity is not quality. It’s just too much all the time. It’s like watching a never ending episode of a comedy series without the heartfelt moral at the en
    ...more